Today, I got a friend request out of the blue. It was from this gorgeous girl. I mean, really beautiful. But the only friend we had in common was *GASP* my boyfriend. Immediately my old thought patterns started to emerge. The ones I’ve been working so hard to silence.
The last time this happened, it was with me and a now ex of mine. Someone from his past added me so she could send me a message saying he had been reaching out to her trying to get back together. She had recently seen a photo of me and this guy, so she wanted to make sure she wasn’t stepping on any toes. As it turns out, he was feeding her and I the same lies at the same time. We ended up comparing messages that he had sent to us before deciding to confront him about it. She let me know that she was an empath, just like me, which is exactly what narcissists (like him) prayed on.
That was a rough time.
We both ended up avoiding the situation and another heartbreak, while also gaining a sweet female ally in the process. But it obviously took a toll on my mental health and future relationships as well.
Flash back to today. My body’s initial response was an increased heart rate and that sharp sweaty pain feeling. It only lasted a few seconds, though, before remembering that I actually trust this guy that I’m with now and that I’ve been doing my shadow work to not respond in my old ways.
I added her and started scrolling though her timeline.
You guys. This girl is a boss ass bitch. Just like me in almost every way! (Which of course is even scarier) But again, it’s about making the CHOICE to trust who I am with, to remember that my body is sending me patterns and signals based on the previous traumas that I’ve endured, in an attempt to protect myself from the same injuries.
That’s when I realized it was my choice. I let go of the fear. I have done so much inner exploration that I know why my body is warning me in these ways. I know how to observe and let those feelings pass, too.
The girl messaged me saying she had just got off a call with my boyfriend and they had been talking about what a bomb ass babe I AM! He thought that her and I would get along really well, so she decided to add me. We had some messages back and forth and she’s developing a community of conscious minded women and looking for more boss chicks to be in her corner.
Imagine if I had let the voices of my past take over and potentially even started another fight with my man. Yuck. I can’t believe how reactive I used to be. Although it’s all a process and yes I still have many things to overcome, this was a prime example of why we need to DO THE WORK!!!!
Nobody knows what we have been through in our past except for us, and nobody can heal us other than ourselves. Today the world gifted me with a beautiful new friend, renewed confidence in my relationship, and a deep love for myself and the ways I’m learning to heal.
I wish that all for you too. It’s ugly sometimes, and it is absolutely the hardest thing you will ever do. But it’s what life is about. Getting to the core of YOU. Understanding yourself and changing to become the best you possible.